William Shakespeare originated the often-repeated quote about honesty being the best policy. With no offense to The Bard, an argument can be made that honesty may not always be the best policy. This is not a license to lie. To be clear, an effort should be made to tell the truth as much as possible. Not being honest on things like job applications or your tax form can get you in some serious trouble. However, if your girlfriend asks “Does this dress make me look fat?,” an honest answer may land you in the dog house.
Honesty, it can be argued, is more of a judgment call than a standard policy to live your life by.
When an Honest Opinion Can You Get You In Trouble
We have all been stuck in situations where we have been asked our opinion on a matter. Usually, an honest answer is appreciated. However, there are circumstances when it is best to skirt the issue. Let’s say two of your friends are in the middle of a deep debate and they ask your opinion. An honest answer could put a serious strain on at least one of these friendships. Simply saying that you either have no opinion either way or noting the valid points of each person could save both friendships and take you out of the equation. If it’s a simple argument like what to have for dinner, go ahead and chime in with your honest thoughts on the matter. If it’s an argument over which friend should make a date the new guy in the neighborhood, being a little evasive is probably the best course of action.
When Honesty Really is the Best Policy
We all get into situations where we tell a convenient fib to get out of an awkward situation. Unfortunately, this may not always be wise. Telling a perspective date that you are just as thrilled about hiking and climbing and all things outdoor-related can get you into a heap of trouble when your next date is on top of a mountain in the middle of nowhere. As a general rule, you should not lie about your interests. You can soften the blow by saying something like “I’m not really the outdoor adventure type, but maybe we can give it a try.” When it comes to a job interview, you have no choice but to be honest. Fudging any answers on your application can cost you that increasingly elusive job. Another time to be honest is with your doctor. Not admitting that something is wrong may seem like a good way to breeze through your doctor’s visit, but can do more harm than good. When it comes to your health, make it a policy to be honest.
The Little White Lie
If your friend buys a truly hideous hat, it’s probably best to agree that it looks nice just to avoid hurting her feelings. The art of the little white lie is knowing when it’s OK to bend the truth a little. You can always skirt the issue by saying something like “Do you like it?” or “Hey, if you like it, that’s all that matters.” That way you are not being fully honest, but not technically lying either. Some white lies save relationships. If your loved one takes a shot a cooking for the first time and asks “How was it?,” you immediately run through scenarios in your head. It’s kind of like the Snickers commercial where the guy is chewing on a candy bar to avoid saying something right away so he can figure out what to say to keep himself out of trouble. You are at the PTA meeting and someone says “You won’t mind making the cookies for the bake sale again, would you?” Even though you don’t have a lot of time, you smile and say “Not at all” just to save the usual guilt trip. No harm, no foul. That is really the barometer of a white lie. Are you really harming anybody by withholding the whole truth?
The ultimate question is “Can you handle the truth,” to paraphrase Jack Nicholson. Obviously, for the important things in life it is important to tell the truth. Without getting too deep, an argument can be made that honesty is not black or white, but shades of gray in between. Think about it. Would you really want be told the absolute truth about every little thing all the time?
Christina Maquire writes on behalf of U-Pack
(Link to U Pack is no longer active. Author please contact me)
It’s case to case. And I like how you construct that in your statement “Honesty, it can be argued, is more of a judgment call than a standard policy to live your life by.” And again, it’s case to case. For me, what matters ultimately is the truth, but when it comes to opinions, it now becomes more than just black or white. The bottomline is just to regard the welfare of others more than anything. It’s better to love than to be right.
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I try and be as brutally honest as I can be. : ) The reason is because when my friends look at me, I want them to always know I will tell them the truth. I am not into popularity contest. BUT…..I don’t always answer the questions either. I practice the fine arts of evading and redirecting which are SO very effective. Most of the time it works well to evade and redirect the issue, but sometimes….I am trapped and in that case, I cannot tell a lie. Lying is awful and although it is our nature to do it, I would rather someone be honest with me and it hurt than to lie to me. I have had plenty of people lie to me in my days and one thing I have learned: A liar will pretty much lie about anything. One lie always paves the way and makes it easier to tell more lies. Justifying for whatever reason it doesn’t make it right. You see, If my wife asks me questions like: “Does this dress make me look fat?” and she knows that it does… one thing that she knows is that if she “doesn’t want the truth” I may not the one to ask. She know I am reliable with the truth.
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Great stuff Mike. I tend to be the evasive type and to keep my mouth shut if I think a friend looks awful in an outfit. Sounds silly doesn’t it but if she thinks she looks nice then there will be others who thinks she looks nice too and her personality will shine through anyway when she is out enjoying herself.
Well that’s just a simple example but one that pervades many of us I’m sure.
Today we have technology that increases the possibility for someone to tell a few porkies. You can have a bit of fun with this one as two of my friends do it quite often. I was only replying to text messages a while back to one of these friends who was living in his litle fantasty world and teling me all about his holiday in Scotland. He was just getting ready to go out to one of the islands for a half day. Quite descriptive too haha. I really believed him but of course I learned later that he was just sat at home doing nothing for his annual work hols. I never did let him know that I found out about this as it was his created fantasy and he must have got a kick out of it having me think ( and others) he is well travelled. Sad world for many isnt it?
And then there is the compulsive liar. Very similar to my friend above… I had a friend who continually made things up. Been there, had that, done that all the time…even to the extent of being a full witness to a person in front of her exploding with that spontaneous combustion. I guess that said it all. Mind you she bluffed her way into so many good jobs it amazed us all. Never managed to keep those jobs though… wonder why?
At the end of the day people know if you are an honest and genuine person and evasive tactics are only used to not hurt someobody’s feelings. But it is a complex area and there are many people out there who are skilled in lying and being deceitful and they will find the vulnerable people that they need to thrive on.